Honestly, I have no idea what that title is getting at. Have you noticed that it’s really easy to look at everything on the screen but what you are actually typing that way you can look up and see that you’ve actually written a garbled mess of words and typos and half veiled threats to kill Pat in his sleep?
(Soon Pat, soon you will die.)
But I digress.
I’ve been thinking about death a lot lately. But really only right before I fall asleep. It’s a little disconcerting, and it makes for some really rough nights. I just can’t seem to figure out why I spend so much time thinking about it. Michelle thinks it could be a variety of reasons, but only two seems to stick out: the ‘old’ Joshua is dying, and I’m afraid of what changes that may bring, and that I am really just afraid of death. But come on, who *isn’t* afraid of death? Most everyone fears it on some level, I just can’t figure out why it is popping up in my head so predominantly all the sudden. Is it because I think I am dying? My youthful optimism is wearing off? I’m secretly being poisoned? I don’t know. But it’s annoying, and scaring, the shit out of me.
As for the second thought… well. Yes. I suppose the old Joshua is dead, but by my estimation he’s been dead ever since I went to Korea. Why all the regret now? Maybe… maybe I’m afraid I’m regressing to who I was before I went to Korea. Oh shit. Oh. Oh shit. That’s actually. Hrm.
Away for thinking.